The Wanderer
Rough Cut to Final Cut: Cold Kindness
The following is a line-by-line breakdown of the first page of "Cold Kindness." I give a very literal translation (easy enough to follow, for those who can read the alphabets.) The final version is given at the end.
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さほど曇っていないのに、綿毛のような小さな雪が、ふわふわと舞っている。
Despite the fact that it wasn't cloudy, cotton-like tiny snow fell lightly.
井戸端で、手を真っ赤にして洗い物をしている母に近寄っていって、
At the well, red-handed washing (something) mother was approached
This is a clause, and depends on the verb at the end of the sentence. Note that it might be more valid to translate the sentence as Tanda's mother washing something (not her hands), but since this isn't specified I simplified it.
タンダは、手鍋の中のものを見た。「母さん、これ、「寒のふるまい」にもっていっていい？」
by Tanda, carrying a pot. Tanda looked at his mother, then said, "Mom, can I bring this to <cold kindness>?"
「寒のふるまい」, Kan no Furumai, means "cold behavior." Furumai means "the way something moves or behaves." Samui or kan means "cold," specifically cold weather (and not cold objects, which is another word). Since the verbs used by both Tanda and his mother are those of offering (as of sacrifices, or of giving alms to beggars), I opted to translate this usage of Kan no Furumai as "The Lord of Winter" (the personification of cold, to whom things can be offered) while keeping the title as "Cold Kindness," which is closer to the literal definition.
手鍋に盛られている、まだちょっとがついている鳥の骨やら、魚の骨やらを見て、母は笑い出した。
The pot was full (-->being full of=continuous, present form) of bird bones and fish bones (and other things), some of which still had meat on them. Tanda's mother smiled (or laughed).
「あんたはまた、熱心にごみ攫えをしてくれたようだね。いいよ。持っていきな」
"You're again excited to get rid of the garbage. It's fine. You can take them if you want.”
Tanda's mother uses dialectal speech which is familiar in usage (there's no formality between her and her son). I chose to play this up for the final cut.
手鍋の中身をこぼさぬように気を付けながら、
Pot's contents not spill being careful (while doing something else),
タンダが駆けだそうとしたとき、
Tanda seemed about to run off at that time,
"Sou" is tricky. It can mean this, literally, but it can also express a state of incompleteness (starting but not finishing, seeming about to do). I chose to interpret this as Tanda starting to run, but not leaving his yard yet.
母が背後から声をかけた。
mother's voice was audible from behind.
「「寒のふるまい」はいいけど、あんまり山の奥は入るんじゃないよ！今日は雪になりそうだからね。」
“You can make an offering to the Lord of Winter, but you can’t go up (literally: enter into, hairu) the mountain! It’s going to snow even more today!" (Literally: Today, it will become snow=a snowy day, because, you know.)
うなずきはしたけれど、タンダは心の中で母に謝りながら、一目戦に山へと向かった。
Tanda nodded (or agreed), but in his heart apologizing to his mother, ran in a straight line in the direction of the mountain.
Ayamaru (apologize) has the connotation of sincere regret.
Final Cut:
The sky was almost clear of clouds, but it was snowing, just light fluffy flakes that looked like cotton fibers blowing in the wind. Tanda’s mother was washing her chilblained hands at the well when Tanda rushed up to her, carrying a pot with a lid.
“Mom, can I bring this to the Lord of Winter?”
Tanda’s mother lifted the lid off the pot. It was full of bones from birds and fish that had already been boiled for broth, though there was a little meat on them still.
Tanda’s mother smiled. “You don’t need to ask to take garbage out, Tanda. You can take them to the Lord of Winter if you want.”
Tanda started running, using care so that he wouldn’t spill the contents of the pot. He’d only run a little ways when his mother called out, “You can make an offering to the Lord of Winter, but you can’t go up the mountain! It’s going to snow even more today!”
“Okay, mom!” Tanda said that, but internally, he was already making his apologies. He was going up the mountain, but he didn’t want to worry her.
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