June 19 - Dazai Osamu

 

    I sit before the ruled writing paper with nothing much in mind. I made no preparations. This sort of thing might be what they call a random essay.

    Today is June 19th. The weather is fine. I was born on June 19th, Meiji 42.

    Once when I was a child I became strangely resentful, and was obsessed with the idea that I wasn't the biological child of my parents. I kept feeling as if I alone, among my siblings, was being singled out and treated as an outcast.

   My face was unattractive, so I was always teased by everyone in the house at every opportunity; that's probably why I developed that resentfulness. It happened over time, not all of a sudden.

    One day I went into the storeroom and examined all kinds of documents. But I didn't manage to find out anything there.

    There was also one time when I secretly went around and asked people who were regular visitors to my house.

    Those people roared with laughter at my questions. That was because they all had perfect knowledge of everything that had happened on the day I was born.

    I was born in this house, you see. Visitors to the house all told me what they saw.

    “It was at sunset. You were born in that small room over there.”

    “Born under the mosquito net. It was an extremely easy delivery. You came out right away.”

    “You were a big-nosed baby.”

    Since they gave me all kinds of clear and concrete details, I couldn't help but abandon my own suspicions. But I was disappointed and dissatisfied. My life story was so pedestrian and bland.

    The other day, I received a letter from an unknown poet. It turned out that that person, too, had been born on June 19th, Meiji 42.

     The letter said, in effect: "Based on this coincidence, how about if we go have a drink together sometime?"

    I sent out a reply.

    "I am an uninteresting man, so if we meet, you will surely be disappointed. The thought of meeting makes me feel frightened, somehow. The fate of those born on June 19th, Meiji 42 is something with which you too are quite familiar, I suppose. I beg you, please excuse me."

    I felt that I had managed to write it relatively sincerely.

 

Dazai Osamu

Translator's Notes:  

随筆: A random essay is a genre of associative and fragmentary short essays, which has been popular in Japanese literature from early times. The writer is supposed to jot down his thoughts as they come to mind, without planning the text's structure or message in advance.

   明治四十二年: The 42nd reign year of Emperor Meiji. Corresponds to the year 1909. The emperor's reign began in 1867.